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Somewhere Only We Know [Closed]

Edwin Thatcher

Theater Major
Posts
65
#21
Her expression changed somewhat when he mentioned that he would be more than happy to spar with her. It took him several moments to realize what that look in her eyes even was, and even then he hadn’t fully grasped what she was so fascinated by until she touched him. The pad of her thumb was soft as it traced the indentation in his cheek, but there was a bit of roughness along the finger itself, likely from holding a sword. The slightest shiver raced through him at the difference in sensation.

“I quite like that. I hope I get to see more of it in the future.”

If she kept touching him that way--with such tender reverence--she could see it as often as she liked. “I think you may just get your wish.”

He’d used that dimple to get out of trouble before. Not with his parents--they’d never been involved in his life enough growing up to care what he did--but with his governess and the servants. He’d had certainly gotten his comeuppance for that, though. While Edwin’s own smile was a bit crooked and only brought out one such indentation, Addie had been blessed with two.

He expressed his surprise at her willingness to return to that tavern, and she grinned. “I wouldn’t mind hearing you up there singing again, but I certainly don’t think we need to inflict my singing voice on anymore people.”

Edwin narrowed his eyes at her, though his smile remained in place. “Since you’ve only said any more people, I can assume that doesn’t apply to me, as I’ve already heard your singing voice.” He winked at her. “As for my own singing, I’m terribly shy and I absolutely loathe performing, but I suppose I could serenade you sometime.”

The grin he gave her was a bit wicked. She’d know that statement to be false even if she knew nothing else about him.

But that confidence that aided him in making such comments could not last forever, apparently. It fled as soon as he started thinking of a next time that didn’t involve them meeting at some mutually agreed upon public place.

For her part, Aveline seemed to take it in stride, leaning forward a bit before she said, “I’ll show you another entrance to the barracks when you leave. You won’t have to go through the Keep itself, though, yes, a little prior notification will help. It won’t get you as many odd looks, and likely keep rumors from flying too much among my subordinates.”

“So long as this entrance isn’t accessible only from the sewers, I’ll take it,” he said, that nervousness easing.

“I am curious, and please know that you don’t have to answer this, but what life did you lead before that you had such an education? I have guesses, but it’s not fair to make assumptions. And if you don’t want me to pry I will respect that.”

Ah. Well. He supposed that question had to come eventually. And it didn’t send him into as much of a scrambling panic as he thought it might. He’d been telling her bits and pieces of his past from… the moment they’d met, practically. It was a curious thing to realize, though sitting here with her now he could hardly feel bad about it.

And the truth was--if Edwin allowed himself to be completely honest about it--he likely would tell her everything at some point. If he was ever going to tell anyone, he had the sense it would be her.

It was that thought that led him to be rather honest now. “I can tell you some of it, for now,” he said softly. “I think the rest will come in time. It’s… Well, I suspect you already know it’s complicated. And difficult. And not something I’ve talked openly about with anyone who didn’t already know.” Even then. Varric knew a great deal, but he didn’t know everything. Drawing in a breath, he leaned into her touch. “I was the eldest son of a wealthy family. My father’s ambitions for me were very high, and so I was given the best tutors money could buy. Language, art, history, the ins and outs of managing an estate, and a bit of martial skill thrown in for good measure. I was raised to be a gentleman, and you can see how well that turned out.”

He grinned at that, the comment more complimentary than self-deprecating. He hardly wanted to turn out as Sterling had. Entitled. Useless. Utterly devoid of personality. If nothing else, the life he’d been thrown into had ensured he would never fit into Hightown’s polite society again.

“I think I’ve failed to meet every one of my father’s ambitions for me, actually, which I rather consider a badge of honor.” And Rupert Orland was dead now, so it hardly mattered. “But I do still remember most of what I was taught. Everything that wasn’t excessively boring, at least.”

Edwin gave her time to process that information and make of it what she would. As intelligent as she was, he knew she would put together more pieces than what he was explicitly saying. Somehow that was easier than just saying it outright. For now, at least.

“Was your father the one who taught you the sword? And… you don’t have to answer, either, if that wasn’t clear. I know it must be difficult.”

She obviously adored her father, and while it wasn’t something Edwin could directly relate to, it wasn’t hard to empathize.
 

Aveline Vallen

Guard Captain of Kirkwall
Canon Character
DAO/DA2 Timeline
Posts
45
#22
I think you may just get your wish.” That comment made her catch her lower lip with her front teeth, pulling it into her mouth slightly even as she grinned.

She still felt off kilter, but there was something in this exchange that was more relaxed than most of the conversations they had had up until this point. She was still all nerves and no where near as confident in it as some of the others, but she was allowing herself to give him proper answers to his questions and ask some of her own.

Since you’ve only said any more people, I can assume that doesn’t apply to me, as I’ve already heard your singing voice.” She gave a soft laugh, trying to ignore that cheeky wink. “As for my own singing, I’m terribly shy and I absolutely loathe performing, but I suppose I could serenade you sometime.

She flustered a little, “Now, that… well. I will not stop you, but you’ll likely see me turn purple if you do such a thing. As for singing to you, well, I don’t know. I think that would take a lot of provocation.

She mentioned the second entrance to the barracks when he expressed concern at showing up unannounced. “So long as this entrance isn’t accessible only from the sewers, I’ll take it,

That made her laugh again and she just shook her head, before moving on to a more serious topic for them. She would understand if he held something back, and while it was not her nature to pry into things that were no business of hers unless it was for guard matters, she could not deny that she was curious. He thought on it for a moment, his answer was more than she certainly expected, “I can tell you some of it, for now. I think the rest will come in time. It’s… Well, I suspect you already know it’s complicated. And difficult. And not something I’ve talked openly about with anyone who didn’t already know. I was the eldest son of a wealthy family. My father’s ambitions for me were very high, and so I was given the best tutors money could buy. Language, art, history, the ins and outs of managing an estate, and a bit of martial skill thrown in for good measure. I was raised to be a gentleman, and you can see how well that turned out.

It fit what she had considered. And she only gave him a small smile at his jest, for while he was still using humor it was obviously not easy for him to discuss.

I think I’ve failed to meet every one of my father’s ambitions for me, actually, which I rather consider a badge of honor.” She considered that and wondered if his family was truly that bad. From what she knew of him so far, he was a good man. A little misguided in direction perhaps, but good. Otherwise they would not be having this conversation, or this connection. “But I do still remember most of what I was taught. Everything that wasn’t excessively boring, at least.

I think you have some of that gentleman in you. Not necessarily the societal sense of the word, and despite your teasing you’ve never truly crossed a line with me.” She said softly, giving him the most delicate of smiles her face could muster. “Whatever his ambitions for you were, it does seem that education has served you well. And will likely continue to do so. That being said, I would like to see how well that martial skill serves you.

It was his turn to ask something of her, and there was a moment where she recalled their dice game. “Was your father the one who taught you the sword? And… you don’t have to answer, either, if that wasn’t clear. I know it must be difficult.

I feel like we need a crate between us.” She joked. He’d hit on something that wasn’t private really, but it was something she didn’t talk about the details often. “He taught me as much as he could. He was frailer when I was of an age to really train in earnest, though he had tried to teach me as much as he could when I was younger.

She took a deep breath, “When I was of age, he ended up selling much of what he had brought to Ferelden with him. Awards, armor that would no longer fit, small knick knacks that were important to him but also had a high value. It was enough to get me an enlistment in the King’s Army, with eventual officer training. He taught me much, and while his actual stance on many things are a great influence on me still, it was my service as a soldier that honed my physical skills.
 
Posts
65
#23
Oh, so she liked the idea of him serenading her, did she? At least, that was what he took from the sudden reddening of her cheeks and how fiercely she had to fight to keep eye contact with him. She liked it in the same way she liked some of the praise and flirtatious remarks he’d sent her way, which meant he would have to take care not to abuse that knowledge. She at least seemed to trust he wasn’t insincere in his comments or even this offer, but he suspected it would take a much greater effort for her to truly accept them.

“Now, that… well. I will not stop you, but you’ll likely see me turn purple if you do such a thing. As for singing to you, well, I don’t know. I think that would take a lot of provocation.”

Edwin smiled at that. “Well as you know I am particularly adept at provoking people.”

The conversation turned more serious after that, and Aveline eventually asked after his past. He gave her an honest answer, and surprisingly didn’t feel that surge of paranoia he normally had when he gave even the most insignificant details about his life.

Aveline had proven herself worthy of his trust--it was as simple as that.

She was not, however, so convinced by his claims to scoundreldom. “I think you have some of that gentleman in you. Not necessarily the societal sense of the word, and despite your teasing you’ve never truly crossed a line with me.”

Edwin gave her hand a gentle squeeze. “I wouldn’t say the barest ability to control myself makes me anything resembling a gentleman. And--frankly--I think it has more to do with the fact that you and I seem rather… aligned in our opinions of how quickly things should progress.”

Which was not quickly at all, if it progressed beyond this in the first place. If it happened, it happened. But he’d known men who expected things to progress with a certain swiftness; by all accounts he should be one of those men, if his outward behavior was to be believed. He supposed it was fortunate for them both that they each had their own reasons for wanting to take things very, very slow.

“Whatever his ambitions for you were, it does seem that education has served you well. And will likely continue to do so. That being said, I would like to see how well that martial skill serves you.”

“It has served me well,” he said. “I would never take the education I received for granted. As for my martial skill…” A grin tugged at his lips. “I am positive you will best me, but I do hope you won’t hold back. Just name a time and place, and I shall very much look forward to it.”

His thoughts pulled in that direction all too readily, and instead of telling her he hoped she wore that sleeveless jerkin he’d seen her in before, he kept to a safer topic and asked after her own training.

“I feel like we need a crate between us.” She joked, referencing their game of dice.

He made a face. “I’d offer to remedy that, but I’m aggravated enough by these chairs as it is.”

Hard not to think of how it felt to hold her; to have her body pressed to his. He could admit it wasn’t exactly conducive to conversation, but that was really the only concession he was willing to make on the chairs’ behalf.

“He taught me as much as he could. He was frailer when I was of an age to really train in earnest, though he had tried to teach me as much as he could when I was younger.” She drew in a deep breath, and Edwin’s expression sobered considerably. “When I was of age, he ended up selling much of what he had brought to Ferelden with him. Awards, armor that would no longer fit, small knick knacks that were important to him but also had a high value. It was enough to get me an enlistment in the King’s Army, with eventual officer training. He taught me much, and while his actual stance on many things are a great influence on me still, it was my service as a soldier that honed my physical skills.”

Edwin’s brows rose when she mentioned her father had apparently sold most of his worldly possessions. And while that was an incredibly generous and thoughtful thing for him to do, there was a consequence to such an action; a consequence he suspected few people ever thought about, let alone remarked upon.

Well. He hadn’t been shy in making assertions thus far. Why start now?

“That’s quite a burden to place on someone. Don’t get me wrong: It’s incredible that he was willing to go to such lengths to ensure you would have a good future. But I imagine that’s one more thing you carry around with you. I know I certainly would.”

He still had doubts about the risks Varric had taken on his behalf, and those were considerably smaller. At worst, he might have had to smooth over relations with a few contacts had Edwin not been worth the trouble. Aveline had to live with the knowledge that her father had sold practically every tie he had to his old life for her.

“Was it quite different? Being an officer in the King’s Army, versus being Guard Captain here?”
 

Aveline Vallen

Guard Captain of Kirkwall
Canon Character
DAO/DA2 Timeline
Posts
45
#24
The conversation kept meandering, and she was glad for it. They were just letting things go where they would based on the moment, and their own curiosities. Not that it wasn’t strange to be doing this, but it was relaxing even during the deeper moments. And while she knew she had a stack of work on her table, this was more engaging to her for the moment.

I wouldn’t say the barest ability to control myself makes me anything resembling a gentleman. And--frankly--I think it has more to do with the fact that you and I seem rather… aligned in our opinions of how quickly things should progress.” Came after his comment on provocation, and her assertion that he was in fact gentlemanly. She let that settle a moment, and she gave a short but agreeable nod to it. They definitely seemed aligned on that, and she had a feeling if either of them weren’t, things would quickly go back to business only interactions.

She made comment on his education then, not letting things stay too long on his family’s role in it, “It has served me well. I would never take the education I received for granted. As for my martial skill… I am positive you will best me, but I do hope you won’t hold back. Just name a time and place, and I shall very much look forward to it.

I won’t hold back, though we’ll likely want to make sure you are well protected before we start,” she teased some, a grin on her lips. “I’d hate to mess up that pretty face by accident.

He asked her a serious question about her father, and she quipped about the need for a crate. He had a quip right back for her, “I’d offer to remedy that, but I’m aggravated enough by these chairs as it is.

It would be nice to be closer, but there was nothing for it. No furniture in her sparse quarters would work besides the bed, and despite their intentions, such a place often placed unneeded expectations. She again thought about other furniture she could add, or maybe… no it was too soon to consider something like that. She went on to give him a thorough answer to his question.

His response was not one she had anticipated, “That’s quite a burden to place on someone. Don’t get me wrong: It’s incredible that he was willing to go to such lengths to ensure you would have a good future. But I imagine that’s one more thing you carry around with you. I know I certainly would.

That shocked her, and there was something in her that wanted to be somewhat defensive for her father. But there was truth in what he said too, and so she let herself consider his words longer than she had most of his comments that evening. That gave him an opening to ask something else, “Was it quite different? Being an officer in the King’s Army, versus being Guard Captain here?

I will never be the knight he wanted me to be. That’s why he did it. In hopes that someday I could see myself elevated to more, to what he hoped for me. What he did though, did give me a chance to find my place, and I’ll be forever grateful.” She paused, her face drawn some as she worked out her next words. “His sacrifice is not a burden, but it is also something I will never dismiss as trivial.

With that out of the way, she took another breath to follow up on what he had asked, “Being a guard is not being a soldier. There are things similar, but when I’m out on patrol I’m not there to kill an enemy. I’m there to protect those who need it, and if someone should be violent enough to cause a fight, then I do what I need to do depending on the situation.

She looked down, “Being a soldier, you often don’t think about who your enemy is. Why they are there. If you do, you can’t do your job. You don’t have the luxury to think about if they have children, a family. That moment of reluctance can get you killed. But…

She looked up at him, a faint smile on her lips, “Here, I can take that into consideration. Here I have the opportunity to help those who may be my enemy today become not one the next. I think I prefer this over being a soldier.

She leaned forward a bit again, and looked down at their twined hands, “Before all this, what did you think of the guard? Did you see people like me as an obstacle?
 
Posts
65
#25
“I won’t hold back, though we’ll likely want to make sure you are well protected before we start. I’d hate to mess up that pretty face by accident.”

Edwin’s lips tugged into a smirk. “I knew it. You’re only interested in me because of my pretty face.” He let out a dramatic sigh. “This is a heavy burden to bear.”

He’d had that fear, yes; he’d considered it during his talk with Josc. But he was mostly joking with her now. His ego was more than satisfied by her admission of his attractiveness, and the minor grumblings from either his pride or his heart--he wasn’t sure which--could be ignored.

Conversation moved on, bending this way and that. Sometimes soberingly serious, sometimes not. When he asked after her father again, he knew it was very much the former. Still, he felt comfortable enough to voice his opinion on the matter.

“I will never be the knight he wanted me to be,” Aveline said after some time; even after an entirely different question. It took Edwin a moment to follow. “That’s why he did it. In hopes that someday I could see myself elevated to more, to what he hoped for me. What he did though, did give me a chance to find my place, and I’ll be forever grateful.” There was a pause, but it was obvious she still had more to say. “His sacrifice is not a burden, but it is also something I will never dismiss as trivial.”

Edwin simply nodded. She was the beneficiary of such a sacrifice, and he knew it was not his place to comment any further. If she didn’t feel it was a burden, then he would concede that this iron resolve she had--this standard to which she held herself--must have come from within.

“Being a guard is not being a soldier,” she began in answer to his second question. “There are things similar, but when I’m out on patrol I’m not there to kill an enemy. I’m there to protect those who need it, and if someone should be violent enough to cause a fight, then I do what I need to do depending on the situation.”

He’d thought asking her that question would just be an idle curiosity. He’d never been a soldier, after all. How could he possibly relate? But then… that wasn’t exactly true, was it? He might not have been a soldier by choice, but he became one by circumstance. An officer, even. Responsible for the lives of seven other men and women.

He’d gotten three of them killed because he hadn’t been quick enough to react. Because he’d hesitated. Because he’d taken for granted the fact that their enemy would not.

“Being a soldier, you often don’t think about who your enemy is,” she continued, and Edwin tried to quell the sudden unrest of his gut. “Why they are there. If you do, you can’t do your job. You don’t have the luxury to think about if they have children, a family. That moment of reluctance can get you killed. But…”

By the time she’d looked up at him, he’d managed to mostly get himself under control. Perhaps he was a bit paler than he’d been before; perhaps a bit of sweat beaded at his brow. But he answered her smile and clung to this moment with everything he had in him.

“Here, I can take that into consideration. Here I have the opportunity to help those who may be my enemy today become not one the next. I think I prefer this over being a soldier.”

Edwin chuckled softly, his racing heart finally starting to calm some. “Help them even when they’re being a right arse to you, I see.”

Aveline looked down again, at their joined hands. He took that moment to compose himself further. “Before all this, what did you think of the guard? Did you see people like me as an obstacle?”

Amusement flickered across his expression, and he was grateful for that infusion of levity. “For certain activities, yes. Absolutely. One doesn’t acquire the nickname “Coins” through scrupulous and accurate accounting.” Not from Varric, at least. “But I’ve tried not to antagonize the Guard. You’re all doing your jobs; making a living.”

He paused a moment, considering that. “I thought that was all it was, until I met you. Just another way to get by in the world. I still can’t say I believe it’s anything more for most people, but I know it’s more for you,” he said, lifting his eyes to hers. “You were an obstacle, that first night. But you were also an enigma to me. You defied my expectations at every turn. You’re still doing that, actually.”

Edwin smiled at her, his thumb stroking over her palm. He still had that sense of vertigo when he was around her. He just wasn’t trying to fight it as much any longer.

“Before that, though… I think I largely took the Guard for granted. It took me an embarrassingly long time to see beyond the narrow scope in which I was raised.”

His father hired personal guards when he deemed it necessary, but Edwin lived without fear of needing protection for most of his life. It was a shock to learn that some of their tenants were having to hand over their meager funds to solicit protection from predatory sources.

Even more of a shock when he’d been thrown into a world that had absolutely no regard for his upbringing or his lack of experience. A world where he’d watched men die in front of him; where he’d been gutted and left to die as well.

And then a world where he’d begged for death, every single night.

He felt unwell again, and excessively aggravated by that fact. He’d not wanted her to see this, and there was no chance she hadn’t at some point throughout these two episodes. Especially when he grasped her hand tighter in attempt to ground himself in the present.

He wasn’t ready to talk about everything. The very thought of it made him ill. But perhaps he was ready to dispel another illusion he’d crafted when they spoke around that crate.

“Going to Starkhaven, becoming a soldier... It wasn’t by choice. My father purchased a commission to teach me a lesson. I took it in stride; tried to make the best of it. But there’s… no making the best of a life or death situation you’re completely unprepared for.”
 

Aveline Vallen

Guard Captain of Kirkwall
Canon Character
DAO/DA2 Timeline
Posts
45
#26
He looked pale after she spoke of being a soldier, and his hand felt just the slightest bit clammy. Had she touched a nerve on something? Brought up a bad memory? She tried not to worry overmuch for the moment, instead pressing on as she spoke of the difference between being a soldier and a guard.

Help them even when they’re being a right arse to you, I see.” he said, and she gave him a soft almost secretive smile in response. She squeezed his hand again, as if it could communicate that he was the only one who’d ended up in a moment like this with her.

She asked him a very pointed question next, and he seemed to come back from whatever had brought on his haunted look, “For certain activities, yes. Absolutely. One doesn’t acquire the nickname “Coins” through scrupulous and accurate accounting. But I’ve tried not to antagonize the Guard. You’re all doing your jobs; making a living.

Many of us are doing just that. While I have goals, it’s still my way of making it in this city. I couldn’t do this if I wasn’t getting paid,” she’d probably still be taking jobs with Josc if that was the case. Jobs that she would often question the ends.

I thought that was all it was, until I met you. Just another way to get by in the world. I still can’t say I believe it’s anything more for most people, but I know it’s more for you,” he caught her eye then, and she was struck both with the weight of his words and the brilliant color of his eyes, “You were an obstacle, that first night. But you were also an enigma to me. You defied my expectations at every turn. You’re still doing that, actually.

That was quite the compliment, though some others may not have seen it as such. She knew it was with him, he often sounded so jaded, so expectant of the worst in people. Or that those who were not acting in self interest were somehow deluding themselves. She was glad that she could show him that wasn’t always the case. She took his other hand in hers then, thumb running over the palm.

Before that, though… I think I largely took the Guard for granted. It took me an embarrassingly long time to see beyond the narrow scope in which I was raised.” And that was to be expected really. Those who were raised in the world he was often didn’t quite have the perspective to understand the jobs that went into their own safety and comfort.

I will say you are quite an enigma to me as well, you know.” she said, calling back to an earlier comment. “You’ve blown some of my assumptions right out of the water, but I can’t blame you for wanting to protect yourself when you were in my custody.

He seemed lost in his thoughts then, and she thought she had maybe pushed him too far. That line of worry etched into his forehead, and she squeezed both his hands trying to reassure him.

Going to Starkhaven, becoming a soldier... It wasn’t by choice. My father purchased a commission to teach me a lesson. I took it in stride; tried to make the best of it. But there’s… no making the best of a life or death situation you’re completely unprepared for.

That was… she sucked in a breath her eyes going wide. Even with her purchased commission, she had went through training before being thrown into something. It didn’t sound like Edwin had that luxury at all. She paused, thinking back on what she had said, and realizing now why he had likely went so pale.

She looked down at their hands. So similar they were and yet so different at the same time. Her brow was knitted, and she spoke softly, “No there isn’t. What kind of man would want to teach his son a lesson by throwing him into a situation like that?

It was something she had meant to keep to herself, that hypothetical question, but it came out anyway. There was something angry in her voice when she spoke next, “I know the city-states fight, or at least the nobles of those city-states do. I suppose you were sent straight to a fight without an ounce of training?
 
Posts
65
#27
As they spoke, Aveline took his other hand in hers, and he felt some measure of calm wash over him despite his troubled thoughts. She was warm and real and it was a bit absurd that he was deriving so much contentment out of this simple action--like a boy interacting with his first crush--but he certainly wasn’t going to feign indifference. Not now. Not in this space.

“I will say you are quite an enigma to me as well, you know. You’ve blown some of my assumptions right out of the water, but I can’t blame you for wanting to protect yourself when you were in my custody.”

He wanted to ask about those assumptions; poke a bit of fun at his own expense, as he knew one of them had to do with the fact that he certainly hadn’t presented himself as a man who would be perfectly content to sit and talk with a woman for… how much time had even passed? It felt like minutes and lifetimes all in one.

He wanted to direct the conversation toward that and other lighter topics, but his mind was too far gone. He was wracked with memories, and the mention of “custody” certainly hadn’t helped matters.

So he shared some of those memories. And he didn’t feel… unburdened, exactly. The burden was still there; that weight still rested very firmly on his heart. But at least he didn’t regret having told her. He didn’t imagine he would regret telling her any of it, even if he chose to bear every dark corner of his soul this evening.

But he wasn’t going to do that.

“No there isn’t,” she agreed, her gaze fixed on their hands. “What kind of man would want to teach his son a lesson by throwing him into a situation like that?”

A hypothetical question, he was sure. But it gave him an outlet; something he could approach with humor. “Not an especially good one, I’ve come to understand from people who weren’t raised by wolves.” Not that he’d told anyone else about this, but it’d never been some big mystery that there were people in the world who actually got on with their parents. “My father had little to do with me when I was growing up. I think he expected he would be handed a fully-trained son who could pick up where he left off. When he realized I was not that, he decided I needed an experience that would teach me to appreciate everything I had.”

It might not have been so awful, had it been handled differently. And for different reasons. Edwin had been incredibly entitled and a bit spoiled, even if the selfishness that was bred into him had been tempered by caring for Addie.

If he’d just been sent abroad to train with the military because he was ungrateful and undisciplined, that would be one thing. But his father had sent him to an area of active conflict to punish him for a very specific action. He’d sent him knowing he might never return. Perhaps even counting on it.

“I know the city-states fight, or at least the nobles of those city-states do. I suppose you were sent straight to a fight without an ounce of training?”

There was an angry edge to her voice that shouldn’t have surprised him. Even still, he supposed he was surprised by the fervent nature of something that was wholly on his behalf. Surprised and somewhat conflicted. He could have watched her raze whole cities with that fire in her eyes, but some part of him rebelled at the idea of her--or anyone--giving a damn.

“I think I received an hour or two of ‘training,’ if you could even call it that. It was mainly an explanation of the conflict--they were well aware I had no idea who was fighting or why.” To this day, he still wasn’t completely certain on those points, but he had a better idea now. “There was a power vacancy at the time, and the city was under siege. I admit ‘military tactics’ wasn’t high on my list of reading materials, but I’m fairly certain it’s not tactically sound to fight on land you don’t know for a cause you don’t believe in alongside soldiers who don’t trust you to lead.”

His throat worked as he swallowed past a rather stubborn lump of emotion. He knew he wasn’t ridding himself of it. It would resurface later, he was certain of that. But at least he could continue here without making a complete hash of things.

“It was a massacre,” he managed, his throat constricting around the words. Evidently he’d not done a sufficient job of chasing those emotions away. “I found out later that we were little more than fodder to toss in the path of the usurper’s forces until the Chantry could be bothered to put an end to it.”

Weeks of conflict ended in little more than an afternoon. That anger still simmered. Buried beneath all of the other, more personal resentments, but no less present within him. The arrogance and complete lack of compassion and empathy he’d found in Starkhaven had done much to turn him into what he was today.

He ventured a glance at Aveline, holding her gaze for a long moment. It was hard not to wonder what she saw when she looked at him now, in this moment. Was it some idealized version of who he was? Perhaps a fanciful notion of what he could be? Maker, he certainly hoped not.

“I know you believe me a good man, Aveline, and… some part of me wants to believe it, too. But I’m not sure I even know what that is anymore,” he admitted. “What I’ve told you tonight… it barely scratches the surface.”
 

Aveline Vallen

Guard Captain of Kirkwall
Canon Character
DAO/DA2 Timeline
Posts
45
#28
Not an especially good one, I’ve come to understand from people who weren’t raised by wolves.” he said, answering the question she hadn’t meant to be answered. There was sympathy crossing her features now, and she wanted to wash this from his past somehow. “My father had little to do with me when I was growing up. I think he expected he would be handed a fully-trained son who could pick up where he left off. When he realized I was not that, he decided I needed an experience that would teach me to appreciate everything I had.

Wasn’t that how most nobles in this city were raised? Ignored mostly until they got into trouble or they did something to dishonor the family name? She frowned, but her hands held onto his a little tighter then. She had her own presumptions about those raised with wealth and power, and while this fit, the fact that Edwin was an example of being cast from his family told her not everything always turned out the way she expected.

I think I received an hour or two of ‘training,’ if you could even call it that. It was mainly an explanation of the conflict--they were well aware I had no idea who was fighting or why.Maker take them all, she thought. “There was a power vacancy at the time, and the city was under siege. I admit ‘military tactics’ wasn’t high on my list of reading materials, but I’m fairly certain it’s not tactically sound to fight on land you don’t know for a cause you don’t believe in alongside soldiers who don’t trust you to lead.

There was a reason she made all new recruits go through weeks of training before they were actually put out on an assignment with an experienced guard. So they would be prepared, so they would understand the risks they were taking, and they weren’t even soldiers. This was unconscionable…

She wanted to demand names, demand to know who his father was, demand to know the other families involved in such a travesty. She would find a way to make them all pay for such a stupid mistake… only she noticed the way Edwin seemed to have a fine tremble in his limbs, the look on his face as it paled even further. It calmed her because he needed her to be calm.

It was a massacre,” his voice was thick, as if it was hard for him to keep talking. “I found out later that we were little more than fodder to toss in the path of the usurper’s forces until the Chantry could be bothered to put an end to it.

Their eyes met, and she was sure that some of that fury in her still simmered in her gaze. That she could change what happened to him, but there was no changing. He didn’t have a choice in this. His choice was taken away. She said nothing still, trying to find words of comfort instead of words of anger.

I know you believe me a good man, Aveline, and… some part of me wants to believe it, too. But I’m not sure I even know what that is anymore,” he said and part of her felt like she might break for him. “What I’ve told you tonight… it barely scratches the surface.

What you have went through, even if that barely scratches the surface, is unconscionable. To be treated as something to be discarded over something petty. To have your choice taken away in so many different avenues of what you’ve told me. It’s wrong. What happened to you was wrong.” She knew she was repeating herself and she relaxed her hold on his hands some, thumbs running over his wrists as she kept her eyes on his.

The fact that you survived it. That you are sitting here with me right now, tells me how strong you are, Edwin. As far as your character, all I can use to judge is everything you’ve shown me. You may be a storyteller,” she grinned a little at that, some of the tension melting. “But in our dealings you’ve never been malicious. Even at our most heated you were doing what you felt you needed to do to survive. And I don’t blame you for that…

She took a deep breath, and stood up, pulling him with her. She wrapped her arms around him, and held him close, something she had wanted to do before he had even finished his story. Her words were soft when she spoke, “I am glad you survived it, Edwin. I am glad you are here, and I don’t know if you need to hear it… but you will never be disposable to me.
 
Posts
65
#29
There was a fire and a fury simmering just beneath the surface as Aveline listened, but she managed to contain it. He wasn’t entirely sure what he would have done if she’d pressed him for information; demanded to know his father’s name and the names of anyone else who’d been involved.

But then, if he’d thought she might do that--if he thought she would in any way abuse his trust in her--he wouldn’t have said anything at all. They wouldn’t be sitting here together in this quiet room, his hands grasped tightly in hers.

“What you have went through, even if that barely scratches the surface, is unconscionable. To be treated as something to be discarded over something petty. To have your choice taken away in so many different avenues of what you’ve told me. It’s wrong. What happened to you was wrong.”

Edwin drew in a breath, having a difficult time holding that intense gaze she directed his way. The soft stroke of her thumbs over his wrists was incredibly soothing, though, and he gave in to that sensation rather than the panicked desire to flee.

He knew it was wrong. That was why he’d come back to Kirkwall; to make certain his father knew it, too. But sometimes… Sometimes he remembered just how broken he’d been. The sour smell of mold invaded his memories, accompanied by a pain he’d never known since. He would’ve said anything, done anything, believed anything to make it stop. And when they’d told him he deserved everything that happened to him, he’d believed it.

Sometimes he still believed it.

“The fact that you survived it. That you are sitting here with me right now, tells me how strong you are, Edwin. As far as your character, all I can use to judge is everything you’ve shown me. You may be a storyteller, but in our dealings you’ve never been malicious. Even at our most heated you were doing what you felt you needed to do to survive. And I don’t blame you for that…”

He wanted to tell her he wasn’t strong. He wanted to list off all of the things he’d done just to survive. But that soft, easy smile she wore and her assertion that she knew damn well why he’d done what he’d done halted him in his tracks.

That and the unwavering conviction that burned in her eyes. Maker, if he let himself, he could become utterly lost in that look; in that fiercely beautiful sea of green. He was becoming a bit lost in it right now, drifting without that usual edge of cynicism and bitterness to anchor him.

“Aveline, I…”

He had no idea how he intended to finish that sentence. With a denial? With an expression of gratitude? The words didn’t wish to come, regardless, and before he could force something out, she was standing, pulling him up with her.

And then her arms were about him and she was holding him close, and for a very long moment, Edwin forgot how to breathe, let alone what he should be doing in this situation. He let out a shaky breath, his arms coming around her in return, his chin tucking against her shoulder.

The Orland household was not an affectionate one. Safe to say there were never many hugs shared amongst family members. He’d sought to remedy that with Addie, unable to stand by and simply not comfort her when she was in any kind of distress. But he’d lived a lifetime convinced he didn’t really need affection.

Oh, how this night had proven him wrong.

Every gentle, innocent touch, every exploring, unhurried kiss made him all too aware of what he’d lacked; what he apparently needed. His fingers curled lightly against the fabric of her shirt and he let out another breath, his eyes closing. He could almost feel the strong beat of her heart, and could certainly feel the rhythmic rise and fall of her breathing.

“I am glad you survived it, Edwin,” she said, her breath a soft caress as she spoke. “I am glad you are here, and I don’t know if you need to hear it… but you will never be disposable to me.”

Maker. What was he supposed to do with a sentiment like that? The words lanced straight through him, embedding themselves in his heart whether he wanted them there or not. He could--and would--question whether he was worthy of such a thing, but it was impossible to doubt her and the strength of her belief.

How different would his life have been if he’d had those words to cling to in his darkest moments? He didn’t know, couldn’t even guess. But something had changed. Something had shifted, even if it was slow and subtle.

He had no idea what to say; there were no words that would suffice. The best he could do was to say nothing at all. Drawing back just enough to meet her eyes, Edwin held her gaze for a long moment before he leaned in to kiss her, expressing what he could not with words. Telling her in no uncertain terms that he needed this, and that she was appreciated and valued and would never be disposable to him, either.

When the kiss ended, Edwin rested his forehead against hers, sharing the space of a few breaths. He wasn’t altogether eager to leave this moment, let alone this room, but he knew that time was drawing near.

“It’s a good thing we didn’t have that crate handy,” he said softly, his lips hooking into a faint smirk. “I’ve made a mockery of the rules by talking about myself for the last… however many minutes.”
 

Aveline Vallen

Guard Captain of Kirkwall
Canon Character
DAO/DA2 Timeline
Posts
45
#30
It took him a moment to return the embrace, and she wondered if she had shocked him with it. They had not stopped being in some physical contact since they had sat across from each other, it seemed right, natural to want to comfort him in this manner. And while she came off rather standoffish outside of these personal moments, it was not for lack of desire for contact.

But the heart of this was making sure he felt safe. And the best way she knew how to do that right now was to hold him like this. There was a long moment of silence after she spoke what she felt needed to be said. She could feel his hands gripping at her shirt, the edge of his chin pressed against her shoulder, and she only responded by squeezing him just a bit tighter.

She felt him shift, but not release her, so she kept her arms about him. She looked at him when he looked up at her, blue eyes she almost thought held a watery sheen. There was also something else in the way he looked at her, but she couldn’t puzzle it out before he kissed her.

Now the other times they had kissed, she had expected them. This caught her a little off guard, though it was easy to melt into it. There was gratitude in this, a feeling of belonging, and it meshed with the comfort she had so very badly wanted to give him after all he had revealed. To know there was more underneath all of this made her heart hurt. But the kiss eased it, spoke silently to it, and made her feel just as important to him, as he was becoming to her.

And while that should have been a frightening thought, it wasn’t. She needed something else in her life other than work. Even if it was never more than this, it showed her what she was fighting for, what she was defending for so many others.

He broke the kiss, and she sucked in a breath as he rested his forehead to hers. She blinked a moment, trying to sort everything. It wasn’t jumbled really, just a lot of things vying for space in her thoughts. It was he who spoke first, taking the lead once more.

It’s a good thing we didn’t have that crate handy,” she wanted to kiss him again when he smirked, but she held herself back. “I’ve made a mockery of the rules by talking about myself for the last… however many minutes.

I didn’t mind one bit,” she said with the faintest of laughs. “I don’t think we need to game anymore to get to know one another.

She loosed one arm from her hold, bring her hand up to cup his face, thumb running over that space where his dimple had shown, “I don’t know where all of this is going, Edwin, but I’m certainly happy to be along for the ride.

There was a flash in her eyes, an unspoken thing, that she wasn’t sure how to communicate. She would do her damndest to keep him safe. Safe from the things that haunted him, and safe from the things that may come at him in the future. She kissed him again, knowing she should send him on soon. It was late, but she wanted to savor every moment she could before things changed again.
 
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