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The Worst Circumstances [Closed]

Ferren Bairston

Guard-Captain of Highever
Staff member
DAO/DA2 Timeline
Posts
139
#1
(( Firstfall 18, Mid-morning, Price home - @Delilah Howe Price ))

Life was really fucking unfair.

Ferren had seen it before. He'd damn near drowned in it after Kali left. But every time he started to feel a little bit optimistic that things could turn out okay, the Maker proved him wrong by being a complete dick to people who didn't deserve it. Not that anybody deserved to have their spouse die on them, but nobody could deny that some people were less deserving than others.

Fergus was at the top of the list, obviously, and it'd happened to him twice. Now Delilah...

He didn't know her all that well, but he was quick to call her a friend whenever the topic came up. As quick as he was to just change the subject whenever anybody talked about her brother. Even Nathaniel didn't deserve what'd happened to his wife, though--something Ferren had only even heard about recently--and Delilah definitely didn't.

And those kids...? Ferren didn't even want to think about it, but somebody had to. Somebody who wasn't Delilah, because she was probably thinking about anything and everything right now. And while it probably wasn't his place, he wanted to lend a hand if he could.

That was what brought him to the Price home around the middle of the morning, just one day after he and Fergus had made it to Amaranthine. Ser Savriall was with Riane for now. Ferren would take back up his duties as her guard as soon as he got back. She might bring a little light into the home, sure, and he hoped she'd play nicely with James and Abigail eventually, but for now Ferren showed up alone.

It was a nice house. Quiet, but considering the loss, that wasn't too hard to understand. The outside was trimmed in a way that suggested the household was preparing for winter, and Ferren frowned. Bad things didn't always happen when it was bleak and cold, but when they did, it made it all the worse.

Drawing in a breath, Ferren talked himself out of and back into knocking, finally doing so after hesitating. "Delilah? Not sure y'wanna hear from anybody right now, but..." But I'm going to force my sympathy on you anyway? Great. "It's, uh. It's Ferren, by the way."
 

Delilah Howe Price

Member
Canon Character
Noble
DAO/DA2 Timeline
Posts
10
#2
The children were playing somewhat quietly in their bedroom. Quietly enough that Delilah didn’t need to settle them, but not the sort of quiet that would arouse suspicion. They seemed to be dealing with the loss of their father well enough, although she was pretty certain that they didn’t really understand the finality of the situation. Maybe James did, a little. At least he seemed to understand that “going to the Maker’s side” wasn’t like going to Denerim.

As Delilah wandered around the front room, absently straightening things, she thought about things that still needed to be done. She was so grateful to Nathaniel for his offer to take care of arranging Albert’s service. That lifted a great weight off her chest.

A knock at the door interrupted Delilah’s ruminating. "Delilah? Not sure y'wanna hear from anybody right now, but..." She squinted at the door in confusion. Was that… "It's, uh. It's Ferren, by the way."

The ghost of a chuckle left her lips as she crossed the room to open the door. Ferren was a pleasant surprise in all of this. She’d met him in Denerim and immediately taken a liking to him. There was also the fact that there were still things she wasn’t ready to deal with.

Opening the door, Delilah gave half a smile to her guest. “Ferren. What a welcome distraction." She stood aside to let him into the house. “Please, make yourself at home.”

She closed the door and looked down at her hands. “I...I assume this means you know what’s happened?”
 

Ferren Bairston

Guard-Captain of Highever
Staff member
DAO/DA2 Timeline
Posts
139
#3
Delilah always struck him as pretty different from her brother. She was bright and happy usually--or at least really good at faking it. She had a good life she liked and a future she was invested in. Only now there was a hole in all of that where Albert should've been. The future was uncertain--Ferren couldn't even imagine what he'd do if he was in her shoes--and Delilah was...

Well, she was trying. She looked more put-together than he would've been, by far, and she gave him a small smile. “Ferren. What a welcome distraction." He smiled back--another small smile--and stepped into the space she made. “Please, make yourself at home.”

Ferren looked around, not really surprised by what he saw. Delilah's house wasn't some fancy estate. It was just... a home. It looked lived in. Not in a bad way, but just in a way he wouldn't have expected from somebody with her upbringing. Then again, he'd made enough wrong assumptions in his life to know somebody's upbringing didn't always have a part in who they became--his included.

“I...I assume this means you know what’s happened?” Delilah asked, not meeting his gaze.

"Aye, I heard," he said softly. "I'm... really sorry, Delilah. I know y've probably been hearing that a lot lately, and it's not like one more's going t'do much, but... I am. Guess I just wanted t'come over and see how you're doing. Which... I mean, it's dumb, now that I think about it." Ferren ruffled a hand through his hair, already knowing he'd been talking through this rambling mess of condolences way too long. "'Course you're doing the way anybody'd be doing if they... well, you know."

He could hear the sound of children playing from just down the hall. Not loudly, but happily enough. Ferren relaxed a little. At least that was okay for now. Kids were resilient, though. It was Delilah he was worried about.

"D'you wanna talk about it? It's okay if y' don't. If y'need a distraction, I mean." He gave her a soft smile. "I'm pretty good at that."
 

Delilah Howe Price

Member
Canon Character
Noble
DAO/DA2 Timeline
Posts
10
#4
"D'you wanna talk about it? It's okay if y' don't. If y'need a distraction, I mean." Ferren’s smile provoked an answering smile from Delilah. "I'm pretty good at that."

Over the last several days, as people began to hear about Albert’s death, Delilah had seen what felt like scads of people. All of them were well meaning, of course, but it was draining.

Anytime a loved one is lost is terrible for those left behind, but when someone dies of natural causes, people generally know how to talk to the bereaved with a minimum of awkwardness. It’s something everyone knows about. Most people feel like they know how you feel, even if that’s not exactly true. They feel like there is common ground.

When someone dies violently, however, people feel like they have no frame of reference, only a nebulous sense of some strange mix of shame and fear.

Delilah first began to understand this when her father was executed. And again when Thomas died.

It was a bit different now, because Albert was well loved. It seemed to make people more uncomfortable talking to her and she found herself fighting the urge to apologize to people.

This made her doubly thankful for Ferren. He didn’t seem to be one to dance around a subject. He also seemed kind-hearted and ready to help folks.

“I don’t really want to talk about it anymore right now, Ferren.” Delilah kept her smile so that he didn’t think she was offended. She wasn’t, in the slightest, but she was tired, for the moment, of thinking about everything. “I would love a distraction. What’s going on with *you*, friend?”
 

Ferren Bairston

Guard-Captain of Highever
Staff member
DAO/DA2 Timeline
Posts
139
#5
The look on Delilah’s face--the strained smile that’d seemed so easy before, the pain in her eyes--gave him an answer to his question. But Ferren wanted to let her say what she did or didn’t need. It felt important. He didn’t know how much had been taken away from her, he just wasn’t going to be the one to take any more.

“I don’t really want to talk about it anymore right now, Ferren.” She looked and sounded tired. Ferren probably would’ve been tired, too. “I would love a distraction. What’s going on with *you*, friend?”

A soft snort followed that question, but he at least looked a little ashamed after. Not like she knew why it was funny. And the why of it left him with a problem, because any news he shared right now wouldn’t be good news.

Was he really going to tell her about his own life falling apart? Her, Delilah, who’d just lost her husband? It felt wrong, but it felt even more wrong to lie. The war he had with himself played across his face, plain enough to see, until it eventually came to an end.

“Well, uh. I mean I wish I could say everything’s great and all the stuff I talked t’you about before was going good, but… I can’t.”

He’d talked to her about Mara, because of course he had. He’d talked to damn near everyone who would listen about Mara. And he’d also talked to her about wanting a family, because he hadn’t been able to stop himself when he’d been watching Riane.

Ferren dragged a hand over his face and managed a smile. “I fucked it up, I guess. Well. It was already fucked up from the start.” As careful as he was about using language when Riane was around, he realized he hadn’t checked to see if James and Abigail could hear him. He gave Delilah a sheepish grin. “Sorry, I’ll uh… keep that to a minimum. But yeah, Mara and me had a bit of a nasty split. Bound t’happen, y’know? And things in Highever--I mean they’re not bad, but somebody’s causing trouble and I haven’t found a way t’deal with it yet.”

He searched for something at least neutral to tell her, because this was just a fucking mess otherwise. Eventually he settled on, “Riane’s good, though. She’s here, in Amaranthine.” Ferren winced. “I don’t suppose any o’ that’s the sort of thing y’wanted to hear.”
 

Delilah Howe Price

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Canon Character
Noble
DAO/DA2 Timeline
Posts
10
#6
“I fucked it up, I guess. Well. It was already fucked up from the start.”

Delilah could hear Abigail babbling enthusiastically to her brother, so she’d not been worried about Ferren’s cursing, but his sheepish grin invoked a smile from her in response as he apologized in his way. That smile slowly faded, however, as she listened to him. Her heart went out to Ferren. The last time they’d spoken, in Denerim, he had seemed so happy with things.

Maybe it was for the best, not that Delilah would say that. She had noticed a tendency among the Grey Wardens she’d seen through Nathaniel. They just didn’t seem to have a lot in the way of family attachments. She’d wondered sometimes whether that was a personality quirk that drew people to the Wardens, or whether something about being a Grey Warden did that to a person.

Delilah could see that he seemed uncomfortable talking about this, so she remained quietly sympathetic. When he spoke of Riane, however, she smiled at him.

Fergus’ daughter was a delightful child, and Delilah thought she was no small part in Ferren’s desire to have a family of his own.

“Ferren, this will sound incredibly trite, I know,” she began, “but I believe that when you find the right person, everything will work out, eventually.”

She shook her head in response to his, “I don’t suppose any o’ that’s the sort of thing y’wanted to hear.”

Delilah had seen a good deal of grief in her life. She’d learned that the best way to deal with it, both in the short term, and the longer ‘living with it’ range, was to not fold in on oneself. She’d learned the best way for her to keep from doing that was to focus outward. But she didn’t really know how to explain that to him, so she shrugged one shoulder lightly.

“Ferren, I’m always happy to talk with you, about pretty much anything. I’m just sorry to have made you talk about things, if you didn’t want to.”
 

Ferren Bairston

Guard-Captain of Highever
Staff member
DAO/DA2 Timeline
Posts
139
#7
For all his faults, Ferren didn't really consider running his mouth too much about his personal life to be one that did all that much harm to anyone but him. He'd spent a lot of his life doing what his dad had done: Confessing his feelings to the bottom of a bottle and nobody else. It would've landed him in the same miserable place--had done, a time or two--but Ferren just wasn't built to hold all of that in. So... he talked. To anybody and everybody. For better or worse.

Maybe it was the worse side of things this time, but if he could help take Delilah's mind off her husband's death, it might not be so bad.

“Ferren, this will sound incredibly trite, I know, but I believe that when you find the right person, everything will work out, eventually," she assured him with a sincere and hopeful smile.

He smiled back. But... Delilah had found the right person, and then he'd been killed for no good reason that Ferren could see. Everything hadn't worked out for her. As optimistic as he tended to be, the real world was messy in a way he couldn't wrap his head around most days. The only thing he knew for sure was that he definitely shouldn't say any of that to Delilah.

So instead, he just said: "Aye, I know you're likely right."

Ferren did feel a little guilty talking about his pretty minor problems, though. Sure, it hurt. He was heartbroken. But he'd get over it eventually, and he'd still see Mara. Probably. Delilah didn't have that option.

“Ferren, I’m always happy to talk with you, about pretty much anything," she said. "I’m just sorry to have made you talk about things, if you didn’t want to.”

"Ah, nah." He waved it off with a small smile. "Nothing I won't talk about, even things I prob'ly shouldn't."

Like Nathaniel Howe. Definitely a topic he didn't need to bring up with Delilah ever again. But there were other things he could talk about, right? He could gush about Riane some more. Though it might make her feel bad about her own kids. He could talk about Highever. But the problems at home would probably feel distant to her. He honestly didn't know what to talk about, so... he just talked.

"I don't have much t'complain about. Friend o' mine--best one I've got, really--came back to Highever not long ago. I got to spend Satinalia with her, which was nice." He's seen Lin in Denerim, but for all he'd known, he wouldn't see her again for another however many months. "It's good to have friends like that, y'know? If it wasn't for her, I'd still be in a pretty dark place." And because he wasn't at all subtle, he added, "y' have friends like that, right? People you can lean on who'll be there for you no matter what?"

Ferren managed a weak smile. "I mean... I'm a good friend t'have, but I don't live in Amaranthine..."
 
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